i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
