first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I would ride that face into the sunset
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
