it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize