We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
