And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
