It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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