I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
