Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
