The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
