i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
