I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love you. Go after that dick
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
