No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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