its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
