Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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