You're completely useless in the revolution.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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