you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
