its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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