Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
