I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
