Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
