I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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