Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
