Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
