I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
