wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
