Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
