We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
