So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I love having hate sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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