chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
