Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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