hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
