hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
