You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
