I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
