if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
