Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
