pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
