i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Randomize
