When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
