I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
