she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
