I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
