Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
