i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
