1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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