All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
