This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
