when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
