does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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