Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
