I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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