I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
