Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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