Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
