We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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