I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
