people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
