filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
