We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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