where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
