I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
