Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
