u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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