Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
