So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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