hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
