Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
