I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
