god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
